little_mermaid_parodiesfandomcom-20200216-history
Les Poissons (Giselle’s Lawrence version)
Inside the dining room table, Edward was standing near the window, looking out into the distance. While Nathaniel was seated at the large table, beginning to clean his pipe, Edward was waiting patiently for Giselle to arrive as he tried desperately to reason with the prince. "Oh, Edward, be reasonable," said Nathaniel, feeling clearly amused while waving his pipe in the air. "Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -" Edward cut him off. "I'm tellin' you, Nathaniel, she was REAL!" he said, "I'm gonna find that girl. And I'm gonna marry her." He put his left hand over his chin, gazing out the glass windows. Suddenly, laughter was heard from behind him. He turned his head to see the lover with the old woman. "Come on, honey." said a voice, "Don't be shy." It was Granny. She stood by the door frame, guiding the lover into the dining room. Out of the shadows came Giselle. Giselle was now wearing a purple strapless long gown with golden straps attached, and pale blue open-toed high heels with dark blue outlines. This was a new look for Giselle, and she showed that she was being treated well by the servants. Edward's eyes widened as Nathaniel walked up behind the prince. "Oh, Edward, isn't she a vision?" asked Nathaniel. The grin he had was never slipping off his face. Edward's mouth hung open. But he closed his mouth and swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. "You look - wonderful." Edward stammered. Giselle, unable to say, "Thank you," replied with a gentle blush, she shrugged her shoulders, appreciating the nice comment, a smile on her face as her blue eyes looked up from behind her ginger hair. Edward blushed a light pink as Nathaniel helped Edward into his chair, quite enthusiastic, but not before giving the young princess a light nudge. Edward pursed his lips, but grinned nonetheless. "Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy?" He helped the princess into her seat. Edward tucked the chair under the table as the Andalasian princess sat down. "Uh, it's...it's not often that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh, Edward?" Giselle wasn't playing attention anymore. She was too intrigued by the glistening silver 'dinglehopper' resting on the table. With a wide smile, she picked up the shiny object, took off her leaf crown,mand began brushing her hair with it. She looked up to face a confused Edward and a horrified Nathaniel. Giselle delicately placed the 'dinglehopper' back on the table, put the leaf crown back on her head, and looked down in embarrassment. She bit her lip and looked up as she saw Nathaniel using a lighter to ignite the coppery thing that Giselle understood as a 'snarfblatt'. Nathaniel kindly smiled at her, and handed her his pipe. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked, "It is a rather fine..." Nathaniel stopped in mid-sentence when the Andalasian princess blew into the pipe as if it was a trumpet, sending a cloud of smoke spurting out the top and straight into his face. Edward cracked up with laughter while Granny gave a small giggle. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. Edward cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "Ahem. I'm sorry, Nathaniel." Granny smiled, placing a hand on the prince's shoulder. "Why, Edward," she said. "That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks." Giselle looked up from the table and smiled. "Oh, very amusing," said Nathaniel, as he used a handkerchief to wipe the last bit of smoke of his face and sniffed. "Granny, my dear, what's for dinner?" "Oooh, you're gonna love it!" Granny smiled. "Chef's been fixing his specialty, stuffed mouse!" Amos poked his head out from behind a sugar bowl and gasped upon seeing the chef of a French kitchen. He was a portly, short, fat, completely bald man with big ears and white sideburns. He wears a crimson waistcoat, cream gloves, a matching shirt, and spats on black shoes, a matching tailcoat, and pants, a white chef's hat, and a matching apron. His name was Lawrence, the French chef of the kitchen. Lawrence rummaged through a cupboard. Singing in French to himself, he hummed to himself as he took a basket of trout and putting one on a counter. With his food ready, the fat man chef started singing. Lawrence: Les poissons Les poissons How I love '''les poissons' ''Love to chop And to serve little fish Grabbing the trout from the basket, Lawrence pulled out a cleaver and violently chopped off its head. This shocked Amos horribly. Horrified that this was happening, Amos hid his face. Lawrence: First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui Ca c'est toujours delish Taking out another trout, Lawrence took the cleaver and violently chopped off its head then proceeded to skin it and gut it while Amos leaned against a wall and covered his mouth, feeling quite sick, feeling as if he may want to throw up. Lawrence: Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two Taking out another trout, Lawrence again chopped its head and then chopped the rest of the body into tiny pieces. Amos tried getting away, but he found himself face to face with the trout's head. Lawrence: I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried Cause' I love little fishes Don't you? After cutting the trout's head off, Lawrence pulled out the insides of the trout and cooked it on a frying pan before serving it on a plate. Spotting a large lettuce leaf, Amos grabbed the leaf and used it to disguise himself as he slowly scuttled away from an unsuspecting chef, who is too absorbed into his little fish hacking mania but Lawrence took a mallet and began smashing a tuna flat. Lawrence: Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet When Lawrence pounded the tuna flat with the mallet, Amos flew off the counter along with other stuff on it. He hid again under the lettuce before hearing more gross stuff from Lawrence's preparations for the tuna. Lawrence: Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in Cause that makes it taste nice'' When Lawrence was describing those horrid moves, Amos cringed even more. Just after Lawrence put the salt on he rather was holding the fish body close to his cheek, Dijon's worst fear was confirmed when the cook reached out and grabbed the lettuce leaf, leaving him exposed. The mouse kept perfectly still as the chef gasped, "Zut alors!" exclaimed Lawrence, "I have missed one!" He picked up the 'dead' mouse and continued singing, Lawrence: ''Sacre bleu'' What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent mouse? ''Quel dommage'' What a loss Here we go In the sauce Now some flour I think just a spurt Lawrence tossed Amos into a bowl of sauce and threw a spot of flour in his face, making him cough and sneeze before pulling him out and stuffing some breadcrumbs in his mouth. Lawrence: Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are Amos spat out the breadcrumbs and wheezed loudly. Lawrence didn't notice that the mouse in his hand was still alive. Lawrence: 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo ''Mon poisson'' ''Au revoir!''' Lawrence threw Amos across the room into a large pot of boiling water. Amos held on to the inside of the pot before a bubble popped, burning him out of the pot and onto the counter with a loud thud. Lawrence, hearing the 'thud', looked over to it being confused. He used a pitchfork-like utensil and stabs on either side of the mouse, picking up Amos and carefully inspected it. "What is this?" he asked. Amos bit Lawrence's nose, making him scream in pain as he held his nose. Amos landed on the handle of a pan on the stove. Lawrence reached for the mouse, but instead put his gloved-hand on the fiery hot stove. The chef screamed and blew on his hand as the pan fell onto his foot. Lawrence grabbed his foot and cried in pain, before sending Dijon an angry glare, grabbing a bunch of knives and hurling them at the mouse. Amos, who ducked each knife, dove under the counter, and while the chef was looking under the counter, Amos pushed the bowl of sauce off the counter. The bowl shattered on his head. Going more insane, Lawrence lifted his cleaver and brought it down. But all he managed to chop up was the counter. He saw Amos running for his life. Amos screamed as he tried getting out. The cleaver landed right in front of him, stopping him from running that way. He quickly made a mad dash underneath Lawrence and hid underneath a cabinet of glasses and pottery. Lawrence screamed, holding his mallet in his hand, Amos hid as the psychotic chef jumped and crashed into the shelves. Back in the dining room, everyone heard loud crashes coming from the kitchen. Granny, who was pouring drinks for the prince, Nathaniel, and their young guest, looked in the direction of the kitchen at the sound of a large crash. "I think I'd better go see what Lawrence is up to." she said. Once she had excused herself, she hurriedly made her way to the palace kitchen. Back in the kitchen, the insane chef, ripped clothes and all, was tearing apart the cabinet, mindlessly throwing things out of the way trying to find Amos. "Come out, you little pipsqueak, AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" he snarled. He continued to tear apart a cupboard. "Lawrence!" shouted Granny. He shot up, banging his head on the shelf, causing several new pots and pans to fall or break on the floor, at the sound of Granny's shrill voice. His coat and apron were torn and stained, his chef's hat was gone, and there was a hole in the elbow of his shirt. "What are you doing?" Granny demanded. Lawrence stammered about what he was doing earlier. "Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, ''madame." he finally said. Granny scowled at the fat man as he gave her an apologetic grin and pinched out a fire that had started on his sideburn. Granny picked up the plates - which all had a metal dome over the top - off a nearby bench, and storming out the kitchen. "Well, I never!" she exclaimed in disgust. Nathaniel set his glass back on the table as the Granny placed their dinners in front of him, Giselle, and Edward. "You know, Edward," he said. "perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?" Edward simply sat there, staring at Giselle with a lovestruck expression on his face. Realizing that Nathaniel had said something to them, they snapped out of their daze. Edward let out a small chuckle and looked at Nathaniel. "I'm sorry, Big Daddy." he said, "What was that?" Nathaniel leaned over to the prince and whispered, "You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. Get your mind off-" As Nathaniel complained, he opened his dish, and Amos was huddled inside. Giselle noticed Amos and became worried. Amos quietly shushed the worried Andalasian princess, who opened her dish and urged for Amos to quickly hide in hers. "Easy, Nathaniel, easy." said Edward, "It's not a bad idea. If she's interested." As the two chatted, Edward quickly and quietly dashed across the table and hid in Giselle's dish. With Amos safe, Giselle quickly turned to Edward. "Well, what do you say?" asked Edward. "Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?" Giselle nodded, genuinely excited by the prospect and also internally relieved. "Wonderful!" beamed Nathaniel. "Now let's eat, before this mouse wanders off my plate." He looked down, only to be confused that Amos had just run off his plate. Dinner got carried on into the evening long after the sun had set and afterwards, Giselle, Edward, and Nathaniel went their separate ways. Giselle was now dressed in her nightclothes as she watched Edward play with Toby from the balcony. Giselle was now wearing periwinkle-blue and blue striped silk pajamas that consists of long-sleeved jacket with buttons and pockets and pants. "Come here boy!" Edward laughed to Toby, "Arrr!!!" He knelt on the ground and Toby ran up to him and barked. Edward growled playfully at the hound as he pinned him down. He looked up and smiled when he saw that the Andalasian princess he'd found on the beach that day, watching. Edward waved at Giselle, and she waved back, before slipping further back into her room. Edward's eyes sparkled as his smile widened. He was actually really looking forward to taking her around his kingdom tomorrow, and could only hope that she felt the same way. Giselle smiled as she brushed her untied hair with her fork. Amos (who was now wearing a white nightshirt and matching pants) complained about his experience in the kitchen as he cleaned off the cooking spices. "This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life." he complained. Giselle patted Amos on the head. "I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady!" scolded the mouse, as he waved his lettuce leaf at Giselle while she walked over to her bed. Giselle's bed was a large canopy bed with coral-pink mattresses & matching bedsheets & pillows, large fuchsia curtains (with golden draw-tassels) on all four sides (attached to the fuchsia canopy), fuchsia blankets, white linens, a warm, fuzzy fuchsia blanket, & white mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color & material). Anyway, Amos told Giselle, "Now, we've got to make a plan to get that prince to kiss you." She opened the curtains and bounced a little before settling back into the large pillow on the left side of the canopy bed and crawled under the covers. "Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best." said Amos. Giselle lay in her bed. It was very comfy and warm. It was a nice place for her to sleep for the night. "You're gonna bat your eyes - like this," Amos went on, as he batted his eyes and puckered his lips. "You gotta pucker up your lips - like this." But by now, he realized that Giselle was already fast asleep. Amos shook his head and smiled. "Hm." He blew out the candle on the bed side table. He hopped onto one of Giselle's pillows, closed the curtains, and before falling asleep himself, he said, "You are hopeless, child. You know that?" He yawned and closed his eyes as Giselle covered him up with her fuchsia blanket. "Completely hopeless!" And with that, Giselle and Amos both fell asleep for the night. Category:Fan Fiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmakes Category:The Little Mermaid Parodies Category:The Little Mermaid Spoofs Category:The Little Mermaid Fanfiction Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmake Category:Songs Category:Spin-offs